(12) Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife.--Here the exact same qualification is to be sought for as in the higher grade of presbyter. The same orderly and decorous household is required now in the case of the deacon, as was to be looked for as qualification for the presiding elder. St. Paul knew well that in the wise yet tender father, Timothy would find the firm yet generous distributor of the Church's alms, the loving and devoted friend of the poor sick.
Verse 12. - Deacons for the deacons, A.V.; husbands for the husbands, A.V. Husbands of one wife (see above, ver. 2, note). Ruling, etc. (προιδτάμενοι); literally, being at the head of, presiding over (see ver. 4, note). In Romans 12:8 and 1 Thessalonians 5:12 it is applied to the spiritual ruler, the ἐπίσκοπος or πρεσβυτερος of the Church. Elsewhere only in the pastoral Epistles (above, vers. 4 and 5; 1 Timothy 5:17; Titus 3:8, 14). Their own houses (above, ver. 5). "Their own" is in contrast to" God's house."
3:8-13 The deacons were at first appointed to distribute the charity of the church, and to manage its concerns, yet pastors and evangelists were among them. The deacons had a great trust reposed in them. They must be grave, serious, prudent men. It is not fit that public trusts should be lodged in the hands of any, till they are found fit for the business with which they are to be trusted. All who are related to ministers, must take great care to walk as becomes the gospel of Christ.
ruling their children and their own houses well. These qualifications are the same with those of the bishop or elder; See Gill on 1 Timothy 3:4.