Bible Discussion Thread

I physically abused my daughter and wife badly yesterday. I look at at especially my daughter today and I can see that her body is sore and that she is in alot of pain. I've been holding this anger for so long that my family has gotten accustomed to just covering for me. My daughter called the police and I made her seem delusional to the cops out of fear of losing my job. In result, she had to sit through the embarassment of being evaluated at a mental hospital. Lord please help me to treat her as your child and hold me accountable should I ever stray from this.

(Continued from part 1)

So, something like traffic doesn't cause your emotion, but your interpretation of the traffic does. So, instead of cause-effect, it's actually 3 separate things:

1. The event (the thing, like traffic)

2. Your interpretation of it (this is unfair, you're inconvenienced, it buys you time to shave or talk on the phone, or you're trying to kill time anyway so it's good.

3. Emotion, based on your interpretation. Happy, sad, anger, etc.

Why is this important? Because you can change your interpretation of things, and in doing so you can change your emotion (like anger). This can be a breakthrough insight.

Statements like 'she makes me so angry' or 'their actions make me angry' are false. No one makes you angry. You do, because of how you interpreted something. Sometimes people interpret things as personal verbal attacks when they aren't, for example. How do you change your interpretation? You challenge it. You cast a big spotlight on it and ask a variety of questions to see if an interpretation is rational or not.

For example, is my current belief/interpretation rational? Did my wife really have ill intent when she said or did x? Is there another possible explanation for it? What would someone I highly respect view this? What would Jesus interpret it? How would someone unconditionally loving interpret it? What if what I currently believe/interpret isn't true? ETC.

Start keeping an awareness meter and give yourself periodic checkups. How am I on a 0-10 scale? 0 total peace, 10 rage/anger. If you notice yourself going from a 2 to a 3, be aware of it, remove yourself from the situation. Ask yourself why am I responding this way? What about this situation have I interpreted to be negative? Is there another way I can think of it? How would Billy Graham view this? How would Jesus look at it? What if it wasn't negative, but positive? What about this is an opportunity? Etc...

Also, bathe yourself in prayer and time with God and time in the Word. Read 1 Corinthians 13.

May God bless you!

Rodney, I will pray for you (and I'm sure others on this site)- thanks for taking the risk to share this. It sounds like you know these actions are sinful and evil. If you feel emotions like guilt, shame, remorse that's appropriate given the assault committed. It's possible you grew up in a dysfunctional household where your dad or someone else modeled this for you as if 'normal', but it sounds like you know it's not and very wrong. It's hard for someone like me to read this as I've been single and lonely my entire life and have been praying patiently for a wife as I advance in years. And not only have you been hugely blessed to have wife, but even more to have a child too, which is a treasure. So, if I was blessed with a wife and child I would share so much outpouring of love and kindness and respect to them it would never stop. Love that I have been unable to share my whole life- and you have these two blessings in front of you, but instead of absolutely loving them it sounds like something is triggering you to try to destroy them. This is hard for someone like me to comprehend.

For preventing this in the future your own awareness is a strong start, and asking for prayers is huge. Suggest finding someone you can talk to regularly about this, whether a life coach or therapist. And if you really want to change you can and will. Let me offer a concept that might be helpful to someone who believes they can't control their anger, and this concept can be a life changing realization.

No one makes you angry. No one causes an emotion in another. Nothing makes you angry.

Those statements may sound false, but they are true and I will now prove it. Have you ever heard someone say traffic makes them angry? The problem with this statement is not everyone is angry. Some in their cars who look calm, some sing in their car, some talking with others. While in traffic if you learned you won the lottery would you still be angry? Probably not. See part 2...