I have decided to worship and return to God. I don't believe I am worthy. I have been a christian all my life but for the past 15 years or so I have been a none believer.
I want to spend the rest of my days learning how to return to God. At the moment I feel that I am asking God to be in my life for selfish reasons, to be saved and have everlasting life in Heaven with God. I am a spiritual person and I believe in being from other realms, I meditate and try to reach my inner self, but I find it difficult. I have doubts in the stories in the bible and the message it is portraying.
I used to feel emotional and feel the closeness to God. Now I find it difficult to feel.
Please pray for me to feel that closeness to God, and help me to wash away the doubts I feel.
So to, our minds have to be 'gathered together' & focused on the 'race that is set before us'. In meditation, one is required to do the opposite, & release the mind from everything & thus allow anything to enter in & either control us or fill us. And most often these thoughts won't be what Christians should be 'meditating' on.
I've written at length, as I sense your earnestness in your quest, as also my personal identification with you in your struggles. Look to the Lord, wait upon Him, & don't let Him go until you "receive the blessing". He wants to reveal Himself to you & give you the joy of His Salvation: the question is: are you really ready to humble yourself in His Sight, to read & 'meditate' on His Word & wait for His Ministry of conviction - for without conviction there is no salvation.
My wife, as many others, have always been in that blessd position of receiving Christ as a child, being baptized, & continuing on strongly in the faith. For some of us, we were allowed to go through the miry clay to then come to the point of conviction & salvation & being set upon that Rock. You need to bring up your life before the Lord & seek that deep conviction of sin by God's Spirit, so that your salvation will be real & only of the Lord; you will never need to "learn about how to return to God", for that conviction is also your confirmation that a divine transaction has taken place, i.e. your sins handed over in return for His forgiveness of your sins & removal of that penalty it deserved.
You also wrote about not feeling close to God anymore, despite your attempts to 'feel' that intimacy. We have that saying: 'that our faith is not based on feeling but on fact'. In other words, what Christ has done for us & what has taken place in us as a result, is fact-based & not feeling-based. I'm not saying that we can't 'feel' closeness to the Lord, but that acceptance by Him & intimacy is primarily based on what He has done in us. So 'feelings' can change day-by-day depending on our mental, emotional or physical circumstances & this could affect how we 'feel' with God, yet, however we feel in God's Presence, cannot change the fact of God's Love & His Salvation for us. He promises to NEVER leave us or forsake us. I would stay well away from meditation 'to reach your inner self'. The only meditating we can do is to focus our hearts & minds on the Godhead & His Word. Peter (in 1 Pet 1:13) speaks of "girding the loins of your mind", which references those wearing long robes during work, etc., as they would gather that part of the garment that would interfere with the job in hand, or the long road to travel on.
Carl, you've said some things here that require some further dealing. Specifically, "I have decided to worship and return to God. I don't believe I am worthy. I have been a christian all my life but for the past 15 years or so I have been a non believer." And, "I used to feel emotional and feel the closeness to God. Now I find it difficult to feel."
My testimony is quite similar to yours, having been brought up in a God-fearing home & going through all the spiritual exercises a child would do. I left home at 17 yrs of age to pursue my career, which took me into a world devoid of a Christian environment & counsel. I caved in to the lusts of the flesh & for identification with my peers; & for all intents & purposes, I was not a Christian, never saved, having just given a mental/verbal assent to the Gospel. However, after almost nine years of wicked living, the Spirit of God met me in my defence quarters & brought me into an extremely deep conviction of my sin - I was literally torn apart because of the gravity of my sin & certainty of a Christless eternity.
You've said that you've decided to return to God. Was this a mental decision from a sense of being wayward & because of the circumstances you may find yourself in & in the world of turmoil today? You know Carl, if WE decide to follow God or attend to His commands, then that's all we'll do (as the Jews do in their mental affirmation & obedience to God). But if we sense the Spirit's Work in us, then actually a miracle takes place in our lives, & we can't help but weep for our sins & call upon the Saviour for the work of the Cross to be applied to us. That drawing to & convicting of, is all of God & can never be of us. And this is the more pertinent to folk like us, who were either never saved or have come out of a long period of Christ rejection & disobedience.
I have talked to a lot of people who are saying the same things you have said. The feeling is like God where are you. I've been in Rev. for couple of months now. I don't have all of the understanding but I know God will give it. The Lord spoke to me at one time a long time ago. Said how can you understand the ending if you don't understand the beginning. Because the beginning is the ending. Rev. goes back to Lev. And then to Daniel and Mathew. So it takes a lot of studying. To show yourself approved. And I keep in mind God is always near. I may no understand right now. But I will. Ask Jesus to talk to the Father. Because Jesus is our intersessor. And ask Him to let you feel His presence. But you have to be in His presence also. Anoint your on head. Fast and pray. Fall on your knees.
I want to spend the rest of my days learning how to return to God. At the moment I feel that I am asking God to be in my life for selfish reasons, to be saved and have everlasting life in Heaven with God. I am a spiritual person and I believe in being from other realms, I meditate and try to reach my inner self, but I find it difficult. I have doubts in the stories in the bible and the message it is portraying.
I used to feel emotional and feel the closeness to God. Now I find it difficult to feel.
Please pray for me to feel that closeness to God, and help me to wash away the doubts I feel.
Thank you.
So to, our minds have to be 'gathered together' & focused on the 'race that is set before us'. In meditation, one is required to do the opposite, & release the mind from everything & thus allow anything to enter in & either control us or fill us. And most often these thoughts won't be what Christians should be 'meditating' on.
I've written at length, as I sense your earnestness in your quest, as also my personal identification with you in your struggles. Look to the Lord, wait upon Him, & don't let Him go until you "receive the blessing". He wants to reveal Himself to you & give you the joy of His Salvation: the question is: are you really ready to humble yourself in His Sight, to read & 'meditate' on His Word & wait for His Ministry of conviction - for without conviction there is no salvation.
My wife, as many others, have always been in that blessd position of receiving Christ as a child, being baptized, & continuing on strongly in the faith. For some of us, we were allowed to go through the miry clay to then come to the point of conviction & salvation & being set upon that Rock. You need to bring up your life before the Lord & seek that deep conviction of sin by God's Spirit, so that your salvation will be real & only of the Lord; you will never need to "learn about how to return to God", for that conviction is also your confirmation that a divine transaction has taken place, i.e. your sins handed over in return for His forgiveness of your sins & removal of that penalty it deserved.
You also wrote about not feeling close to God anymore, despite your attempts to 'feel' that intimacy. We have that saying: 'that our faith is not based on feeling but on fact'. In other words, what Christ has done for us & what has taken place in us as a result, is fact-based & not feeling-based. I'm not saying that we can't 'feel' closeness to the Lord, but that acceptance by Him & intimacy is primarily based on what He has done in us. So 'feelings' can change day-by-day depending on our mental, emotional or physical circumstances & this could affect how we 'feel' with God, yet, however we feel in God's Presence, cannot change the fact of God's Love & His Salvation for us. He promises to NEVER leave us or forsake us. I would stay well away from meditation 'to reach your inner self'. The only meditating we can do is to focus our hearts & minds on the Godhead & His Word. Peter (in 1 Pet 1:13) speaks of "girding the loins of your mind", which references those wearing long robes during work, etc., as they would gather that part of the garment that would interfere with the job in hand, or the long road to travel on.
(onto Page 3.)
Carl, you've said some things here that require some further dealing. Specifically, "I have decided to worship and return to God. I don't believe I am worthy. I have been a christian all my life but for the past 15 years or so I have been a non believer." And, "I used to feel emotional and feel the closeness to God. Now I find it difficult to feel."
My testimony is quite similar to yours, having been brought up in a God-fearing home & going through all the spiritual exercises a child would do. I left home at 17 yrs of age to pursue my career, which took me into a world devoid of a Christian environment & counsel. I caved in to the lusts of the flesh & for identification with my peers; & for all intents & purposes, I was not a Christian, never saved, having just given a mental/verbal assent to the Gospel. However, after almost nine years of wicked living, the Spirit of God met me in my defence quarters & brought me into an extremely deep conviction of my sin - I was literally torn apart because of the gravity of my sin & certainty of a Christless eternity.
You've said that you've decided to return to God. Was this a mental decision from a sense of being wayward & because of the circumstances you may find yourself in & in the world of turmoil today? You know Carl, if WE decide to follow God or attend to His commands, then that's all we'll do (as the Jews do in their mental affirmation & obedience to God). But if we sense the Spirit's Work in us, then actually a miracle takes place in our lives, & we can't help but weep for our sins & call upon the Saviour for the work of the Cross to be applied to us. That drawing to & convicting of, is all of God & can never be of us. And this is the more pertinent to folk like us, who were either never saved or have come out of a long period of Christ rejection & disobedience.
(to Page 2.)
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