Bible Discussion Thread

Its been awhile since the last time ive prayed without yawning or falling asleep. Usually it was so easy. Until i became at odds with the church. I dont agree that pastors should be able to bash and degrade dead children and blame them for their own death because of rumors of being gay. Keyword: Rumors. It doesnt feel or seem right. Along with other things that have been said. These things led me to stray off on my own feeling that the church was doing nothing but bringing me anger to the point of walking out. I haven't properly rayed since then. My mindset has changed over time. You know that better than anyone, God. I've carried myself not taking a deep interest in anything in this world anymore. I'v started having a "It is what it is" kind of thinking. If I were to catch COVID I wouldn't panic. whatever happens to me happens and its inevitable. I won' stress myself. Whatever happens would be in your plan right? So why would' I trust your planning process. Maybe my life or even my death would serve a purpose. I'll admit...I'v gotten myself into ad things. Devilish tv shows and unspeakable things. I have an issue of lust and sloth. Im working on lust. I have an issue wi cursing. However, I found that I dont have a single greedy bone in my body...Ive never truly WANTED something. If someone asks "What do you want to eat? Wanna go to the store?" My response is always a nervous laugh and "I dunno...what do u want me to do?" I dont like being in control. So I let go of the control panel. Now im just living and whatever happens will happen. But...today there is one thing I need. The time is 11:16 pm. Tomorrow marks a day that planets cross paths. Some people say its a spiritual day of wrecking or the rapture. Others say black people get superpowers. All kinds of things. I do not wish to risk following false prophets. So...tonight, Lord, I beg for your guidance. And I pray that things will be okay whether we die or not. My life in your hands as it always has been. Amen.