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Or physically? I think abuse is abuse, no matter what the form, and nitpicking about it isn't abuse if the thrown dish doesn't hit you, but it is if it hits you is ridiculous. Is it abuse if he hurts the dogs because he knows it hurts you?
I know in my church, I can't remarry as long as he is alive, but I'm not sure I'd ever want to remarry. I married later in life. I don't know if I could trust someone again. My husband attended church, before we ever met, for years. He went to Bible studies. Everyone thought he was a wonderful Christian man. They didn't know the secrets he hid, and few believe me now. But, great abusers are excellent actors. His lies fell apart a few years after we were married, and because he seemed so stable, I was the person who was to blame.
And, he was very good at drawing my family, with whom I didn't have a good relationship, into his schemes. My mother and sister are very jealous of my academic achievements. When I tried to leave, my mother would promise to help, then tell him or not show up. My sister would promise to help, but would promise inappropriate help, si my refusal was an excuse to withdraw completely. They both made it clear I deserved abuse.
The Bible also assumes people in your church want to help. If your house burned down, they would, but not with abuse. Abuse is part of a private relationship, and people chose sides. The "I don't believe it, she is lying," and the "throw him out of church." Also, recovering from abuse doesn't happen in a week, and people will not stick around for the long haul. I've never been so disappointed in my church. Even when he admitted abuse, the thought was I drove him to it because he had been such a nice man prior to our marriage. Never mind that he married me only because he was in severe financial straits, and my salary was to bail him out.
The church doesn't know how to hand abuse, beyond "don't do it again." And, it starts with pastors educating the congregation,
1 Corinthians 12. Ask The Holy Spirit for the gift, Discerning of Spirits. It's not a weapon or a toy. It helps us to see either, God or Satan.
Actually reading massive amounts of scripture will enable us to spot good fruit or rotting fruit. It doesn't give us a license to be fruit inspectors.
Jesus said, The Tree (himself), is known by its fruit. Jesus doesn't produce fruits like: doubts, suspicion, counter-offense, etc.
Count yourself fortunate to have escaped. Now you are much wiser, and will have the patience to do it the Bible way. In Jewish culture, the engaged couple waited a full year before the marriage ceremony was announced.
People nowadays, don't do that. They marry knowing nothing about how the other person earns their money, saves it, pays their bills on time, spending habits, tithes, makes offerings, etc. what if Mary had mended Joseph's clothes and he railed, that the stitches were too big and loose? Details matter to each partner. Looking and acting spiritual, does not make them spiritual behind the front door.
The Bible shows us repeatedly in numerous "couples stories", what makes a good marriage. That door swings both ways. It shows us what God expects from husbands as well. Again.. ask what is the fruit?! Learn to break it off with the fakers. Men must produce the fruit of Jesus.
If your personal relationship to the Holy Spirit is
Strong and Close, you will never be fooled again.
In our culture, it's called Dating. We date to see how the other behaves at church, giving, donating time to church or civic activities. This goes for the ladies too). Management of money. Faithfulness to country, church, family, employer, children, community, help of less fortunate ( Matthew 25)
In my experience, you cannot mend broken wings, nor Broken People. Only God can do that.
Some people are born broken and do not comprehend unbroken life. Don't bring home stray puppies.
Technology is a wonderful thing to abusers. They use parental features to block phone numbers. They can use passwords to block access to bank accounts and track browsing history. They know, to the tenth of a mile the distance to the grocery, and they can look at the mileage to know if you deviated, and they can fake financial records at premarital counseling.
We were introduced by a common friend. He had considered her. They worked together for years, but he knew her divorce left her financially shaky, and the entire reason for picking someone out was to have their salary to solve his problems.
I had no where to go. Shelters don't take pets, and my church had no help, so I went to stay with friends, who became angry that I didn't hate him. I suspect he is bipolar, as it runs in his family, though his immediate family doesn't admit it. I tried to get him to a physician, and he refused. An uncle was hospitalized in the 60's, and his mother was brutal. I tried to explain it is a medical issue, to no avail. But, I left my friends, who consider themselves Good Catholics (I am not Catholic), because they were angry that I refused to hate him. He has a mental illness. I'd never trust or live with him again. But, it isn't Christian behavior to hate or wish him ill/dead. In the end, they treated me exactly as he had, which hurt more. They gossiped to friends. They tried to give my things away, because in their opinion, I didn't need them. They made scenes in stores. They considered me unable to make decisions about my life because I had picked him, after all. They threw my things in storage, keeping something incredibly important. They criticized everything I said or did, and if I said something, I was playing the victim or too sensitive. It is always my fault, never their fault.
Churches have no plan for abuse. Leaving is the easy part. It is trying to recover that is a LONG hard process. Almost 2 years now, and nowhere near recovered.
The Scripture that makes the matter of divorce clear, is Jesus' Own Words in Matthew 19:3-8, where He stated that divorce was never in God's Plan in the union of man & woman but was only permitted on the grounds of fornication; i.e. where the marriage bed was defiled because of the infidelity of one partner who broke the holy union of the "two becoming one flesh".
And since an illegal divorce opens the way for both parties to consider re-marriage, then this too results in breaking God's Commandment concerning an adulterous relationship. So we turn to the Apostle Paul who, in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, gives a further comment for believers. They ought to remember that Christian couples now equally share in each other's lives & that a proper response of "benevolence" (love, respect, kindness) to be shown to each other.
Verse 5: Paul instructed those who had marriage problems to "not defraud (deprive) each other (of this benevolence)". But in a state of hopelessness, they could separate for a time, being in prayer & fasting, seeking help & healing of their matters from the Lord. The whole point of this was to prevent the marriage from being dissolved & that all steps should be taken for both to stay together & have their differences healed & their love & respect return.
You write of one being emotionally abused. I would say that the offender needs to be made aware of his/her callous actions. If no consideration is given or change seen, then professional counselling would be next (from the Pastor or another counsellor). If this attitude still persists, then seek a separation for a time using it to consider the damage being done to the other & gain help & guidance from the Lord. If all fails, I would say that a final separation or a divorce is in order as ongoing verbal abuse is just one step short of physical abuse, though realizing that after this, neither spouse can re-marry again, at least from the biblical instructions we learn on this matter. The Lord be with you.
When god created Man That was Eve was told not to sin but she and Adam the forbidden fruit from the fruit of which was tree of life a serpent from told her eat the foreboding fruit that's when sin came into the world was condemned into sin
Thank you JR. I am praying right now for the Lord to be with you both & for a real love & understanding to re-enter your marriage. Please don't suffer this in silence; there are probably others reading your story who are also bringing you both before the Lord. Share your agony with a friend or someone you can really trust, so that you never feel alone - otherwise this can be very soul destroying, leading to further problems.
The Lord is the One Who fully understands & can completely heal; look to Him constantly for strength & continue to exercise faith believing that He is working on your behalf. With the Lord, nothing is impossible. Always know that you are special & precious to Him, in spite what anyone might say or do to hurt or undermine your character. Rejoice in that, live for Jesus, & exude Christ's Love & understanding as your witness to all. Remember, with Jesus at your side giving you wisdom & strength, you can do all things (in the physical, emotional & spiritual realms) to live above the griefs & burdens of life. Philippians 4:13.
Corinthians 7:15 "But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace."
This Scripture helped me
when I went through the same
thing with my ex fianc. I heard a preacher preach on abuse in marriage and use this verse to propose one should leave. I took that. Basically, my
Ex didn't believe in being a good Christian husband. He gave all the talk when we met but then the mask slipped! In other words he departed from love and was cruel. If he was ever a true Believer - I don't know. That is between him and God. Needless to say; I thank God I was delivered from him completely. It's dangerous to stay with abusers. If they don't end up killing you physically (abuse escalates most of the time) then the stress and knock on effects of staying lead to a destroyed life and other tragic losses like your health and your other relationships. I just said a prayer for you.
I know in my church, I can't remarry as long as he is alive, but I'm not sure I'd ever want to remarry. I married later in life. I don't know if I could trust someone again. My husband attended church, before we ever met, for years. He went to Bible studies. Everyone thought he was a wonderful Christian man. They didn't know the secrets he hid, and few believe me now. But, great abusers are excellent actors. His lies fell apart a few years after we were married, and because he seemed so stable, I was the person who was to blame.
And, he was very good at drawing my family, with whom I didn't have a good relationship, into his schemes. My mother and sister are very jealous of my academic achievements. When I tried to leave, my mother would promise to help, then tell him or not show up. My sister would promise to help, but would promise inappropriate help, si my refusal was an excuse to withdraw completely. They both made it clear I deserved abuse.
The Bible also assumes people in your church want to help. If your house burned down, they would, but not with abuse. Abuse is part of a private relationship, and people chose sides. The "I don't believe it, she is lying," and the "throw him out of church." Also, recovering from abuse doesn't happen in a week, and people will not stick around for the long haul. I've never been so disappointed in my church. Even when he admitted abuse, the thought was I drove him to it because he had been such a nice man prior to our marriage. Never mind that he married me only because he was in severe financial straits, and my salary was to bail him out.
The church doesn't know how to hand abuse, beyond "don't do it again." And, it starts with pastors educating the congregation,
1 Corinthians 12. Ask The Holy Spirit for the gift, Discerning of Spirits. It's not a weapon or a toy. It helps us to see either, God or Satan.
Actually reading massive amounts of scripture will enable us to spot good fruit or rotting fruit. It doesn't give us a license to be fruit inspectors.
Jesus said, The Tree (himself), is known by its fruit. Jesus doesn't produce fruits like: doubts, suspicion, counter-offense, etc.
Count yourself fortunate to have escaped. Now you are much wiser, and will have the patience to do it the Bible way. In Jewish culture, the engaged couple waited a full year before the marriage ceremony was announced.
People nowadays, don't do that. They marry knowing nothing about how the other person earns their money, saves it, pays their bills on time, spending habits, tithes, makes offerings, etc. what if Mary had mended Joseph's clothes and he railed, that the stitches were too big and loose? Details matter to each partner. Looking and acting spiritual, does not make them spiritual behind the front door.
The Bible shows us repeatedly in numerous "couples stories", what makes a good marriage. That door swings both ways. It shows us what God expects from husbands as well. Again.. ask what is the fruit?! Learn to break it off with the fakers. Men must produce the fruit of Jesus.
If your personal relationship to the Holy Spirit is
Strong and Close, you will never be fooled again.
In our culture, it's called Dating. We date to see how the other behaves at church, giving, donating time to church or civic activities. This goes for the ladies too). Management of money. Faithfulness to country, church, family, employer, children, community, help of less fortunate ( Matthew 25)
In my experience, you cannot mend broken wings, nor Broken People. Only God can do that.
Some people are born broken and do not comprehend unbroken life. Don't bring home stray puppies.
We were introduced by a common friend. He had considered her. They worked together for years, but he knew her divorce left her financially shaky, and the entire reason for picking someone out was to have their salary to solve his problems.
I had no where to go. Shelters don't take pets, and my church had no help, so I went to stay with friends, who became angry that I didn't hate him. I suspect he is bipolar, as it runs in his family, though his immediate family doesn't admit it. I tried to get him to a physician, and he refused. An uncle was hospitalized in the 60's, and his mother was brutal. I tried to explain it is a medical issue, to no avail. But, I left my friends, who consider themselves Good Catholics (I am not Catholic), because they were angry that I refused to hate him. He has a mental illness. I'd never trust or live with him again. But, it isn't Christian behavior to hate or wish him ill/dead. In the end, they treated me exactly as he had, which hurt more. They gossiped to friends. They tried to give my things away, because in their opinion, I didn't need them. They made scenes in stores. They considered me unable to make decisions about my life because I had picked him, after all. They threw my things in storage, keeping something incredibly important. They criticized everything I said or did, and if I said something, I was playing the victim or too sensitive. It is always my fault, never their fault.
Churches have no plan for abuse. Leaving is the easy part. It is trying to recover that is a LONG hard process. Almost 2 years now, and nowhere near recovered.
And since an illegal divorce opens the way for both parties to consider re-marriage, then this too results in breaking God's Commandment concerning an adulterous relationship. So we turn to the Apostle Paul who, in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, gives a further comment for believers. They ought to remember that Christian couples now equally share in each other's lives & that a proper response of "benevolence" (love, respect, kindness) to be shown to each other.
Verse 5: Paul instructed those who had marriage problems to "not defraud (deprive) each other (of this benevolence)". But in a state of hopelessness, they could separate for a time, being in prayer & fasting, seeking help & healing of their matters from the Lord. The whole point of this was to prevent the marriage from being dissolved & that all steps should be taken for both to stay together & have their differences healed & their love & respect return.
You write of one being emotionally abused. I would say that the offender needs to be made aware of his/her callous actions. If no consideration is given or change seen, then professional counselling would be next (from the Pastor or another counsellor). If this attitude still persists, then seek a separation for a time using it to consider the damage being done to the other & gain help & guidance from the Lord. If all fails, I would say that a final separation or a divorce is in order as ongoing verbal abuse is just one step short of physical abuse, though realizing that after this, neither spouse can re-marry again, at least from the biblical instructions we learn on this matter. The Lord be with you.
The Lord is the One Who fully understands & can completely heal; look to Him constantly for strength & continue to exercise faith believing that He is working on your behalf. With the Lord, nothing is impossible. Always know that you are special & precious to Him, in spite what anyone might say or do to hurt or undermine your character. Rejoice in that, live for Jesus, & exude Christ's Love & understanding as your witness to all. Remember, with Jesus at your side giving you wisdom & strength, you can do all things (in the physical, emotional & spiritual realms) to live above the griefs & burdens of life. Philippians 4:13.
This Scripture helped me
when I went through the same
thing with my ex fianc. I heard a preacher preach on abuse in marriage and use this verse to propose one should leave. I took that. Basically, my
Ex didn't believe in being a good Christian husband. He gave all the talk when we met but then the mask slipped! In other words he departed from love and was cruel. If he was ever a true Believer - I don't know. That is between him and God. Needless to say; I thank God I was delivered from him completely. It's dangerous to stay with abusers. If they don't end up killing you physically (abuse escalates most of the time) then the stress and knock on effects of staying lead to a destroyed life and other tragic losses like your health and your other relationships. I just said a prayer for you.
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