is something I will always cherish. Yet there was no healing. Everyone thought I was ok; NOT so. The horrible effects from the past were still there, and worsening. I was ashamed, angry and hateful of myself, feeling most unworthy of God's Love and healing; to the point where I found myself very bitter, angry, and extremely disappointed in God. Genuinely, yet in vain, I had wanted to please God and experience this "peace that passed understanding" that I had read AND taught from the Bible; my conclusion being that I must be unworthy of His Love, a heathen with no hope, condemned to eternal hell, shown no mercy, deserving of punishment, being an object of His wrath and vengeance, set as an example for the deserving special ones whom God loved separate from myself.
Eventually, after fifty plus years, I gave up on church, as it seemed obvious I was not healing in any way. I had very little hope left in my life, arriving at the point in time where ending it all seemed to be the only way out. I was planning it out; the depression that filled my life since a child had become nearly unbearable. God though was still on my mind, and I would've pulled the trigger while still considering God!
In what I was convinced would be my last few days on Earth, suddenly, and what I consider a miracle, thoughts fell into the "lap" of my mind in which I'd never heard, which thankfully halted my intentions of calling it quits. Over the past few months, I've shared some of those thoughts here. I've poured my heart out to God, and doing so with you to a certain degree.
So here I stand now, truly believing God loves me, never to forsake me; desiring to express to those who have ears, that nothing can snatch me or you or anyone from His Hand. NOTHING. For fifteen years now a Voice has very gently and patiently assured this. Yet, I still hear voices speaking to me, who are ...
Thank you so much for sharing this about your life. I am so sad to know you were so traumatized and never received the help you desperately needed. May God bring that healing to you in full measure and keep you strong in your knowledge of His love and mercy for you.
I just wanted to share this. When I was at the lowest point of my life (20 years ago) and I was thinking that if God was as others had said that He was, then how could I follow Him? The Holy Spirit spoke to me, "To whom else can I go, for You alone have the words of eternal life." ( john 6:68) With that input from the precious Spirit, I turned myself around and said to God, I will not believe what others say about You, I will believe what Your Word says about You, for Y9ou are my only hope!" So my doubt was destroyed that moment. Praise the Lord! That was a very hard place to be in, very painful, very discouraging, very confusing. But God used it to set me rock solid on the testimony of His Word in Christ and I am all the better for it.
One Eighty-how hard it must have been to be without your brother and to see him die. How sad that you did not have any other siblings to grieve with. Your mom was so full of grief that she needed the treatments she received to be set aright to be able to raise you. It was not the best of circumstances for either of you, nor your parents. But I am so happy that your mom continued to believe and train you up in the word and way of Christ. My prayer for you today is that God will restore to you over and above what the enemy stole from you when you were 3 and from your life from year to year. May you receive abundant mercy and comfort from our Lord by the Spirit who lives in you. I pray that you God will bring you joy in place of the sad spot in your heart concerning your brother and the grief you have borne all of these years. Amen.
is something I will always cherish. Yet there was no healing. Everyone thought I was ok; NOT so. The horrible effects from the past were still there, and worsening. I was ashamed, angry and hateful of myself, feeling most unworthy of God's Love and healing; to the point where I found myself very bitter, angry, and extremely disappointed in God. Genuinely, yet in vain, I had wanted to please God and experience this "peace that passed understanding" that I had read AND taught from the Bible; my conclusion being that I must be unworthy of His Love, a heathen with no hope, condemned to eternal hell, shown no mercy, deserving of punishment, being an object of His wrath and vengeance, set as an example for the deserving special ones whom God loved separate from myself.
Eventually, after fifty plus years, I gave up on church, as it seemed obvious I was not healing in any way. I had very little hope left in my life, arriving at the point in time where ending it all seemed to be the only way out. I was planning it out; the depression that filled my life since a child had become nearly unbearable. God though was still on my mind, and I would've pulled the trigger while still considering God!
In what I was convinced would be my last few days on Earth, suddenly, and what I consider a miracle, thoughts fell into the "lap" of my mind in which I'd never heard, which thankfully halted my intentions of calling it quits. Over the past few months, I've shared some of those thoughts here. I've poured my heart out to God, and doing so with you to a certain degree.
So here I stand now, truly believing God loves me, never to forsake me; desiring to express to those who have ears, that nothing can snatch me or you or anyone from His Hand. NOTHING. For fifteen years now a Voice has very gently and patiently assured this. Yet, I still hear voices speaking to me, who are ...
see p. 3
Thank you so much for sharing this about your life. I am so sad to know you were so traumatized and never received the help you desperately needed. May God bring that healing to you in full measure and keep you strong in your knowledge of His love and mercy for you.
I just wanted to share this. When I was at the lowest point of my life (20 years ago) and I was thinking that if God was as others had said that He was, then how could I follow Him? The Holy Spirit spoke to me, "To whom else can I go, for You alone have the words of eternal life." ( john 6:68) With that input from the precious Spirit, I turned myself around and said to God, I will not believe what others say about You, I will believe what Your Word says about You, for Y9ou are my only hope!" So my doubt was destroyed that moment. Praise the Lord! That was a very hard place to be in, very painful, very discouraging, very confusing. But God used it to set me rock solid on the testimony of His Word in Christ and I am all the better for it.
One Eighty-how hard it must have been to be without your brother and to see him die. How sad that you did not have any other siblings to grieve with. Your mom was so full of grief that she needed the treatments she received to be set aright to be able to raise you. It was not the best of circumstances for either of you, nor your parents. But I am so happy that your mom continued to believe and train you up in the word and way of Christ. My prayer for you today is that God will restore to you over and above what the enemy stole from you when you were 3 and from your life from year to year. May you receive abundant mercy and comfort from our Lord by the Spirit who lives in you. I pray that you God will bring you joy in place of the sad spot in your heart concerning your brother and the grief you have borne all of these years. Amen.
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