Bible Discussion Thread

Self control vs controlling circumstances (part 2)

There are few circumstances more applicable to this idea of self control than the domestic relations; particularly among husband and wife. Assuming the marriage is legitimate in God's eyes; we have to look beyond our partner's behavior but more especially toward anticipating patterns of bad behavior and holding grudges. This also means we shouldn't plan to respond with corrective rebuke as our first action. Those who are under the blood are "taught by God" ( John 6:45). This is true in any relationship; conviction must start with the Spirit of God; we are but messengers used when necessary to rebuke as "iron sharpens iron." ( Prov. 27:17).

In a marriage in particular; there is a tendency to want to grate against someone-often utilizing that scripture to justify our angry or sarcastic response. It is better to look at the cause; which is seldom what a person is vehemently protesting against-in order to come to a resolution of an issue. Men try to "solve the problem"; while women are often looking for emotional support. Our trust and confidence must begin with the source; namely the Lord Jesus who oftentimes we are amiss in recognizing His continuing role play with the covenant we have made with the wife of our youth (see Malachi 2:14).

Husband and wife interaction; needless to say needs to be dealt with to have any hope for controlling and disciplining our children. If we act as hypocrites; kids are the first to see it and lash out accordingly. We should also avoid slipping away from regular church fellowship; except when necessary. Such interactions allow for wise counsel; and our overall well being as part of the Body of Believers. There are times as laypersons when it is appropriate to offer prayer; or set up a time to talk with a struggling member in these situations. Our foundation needs to be based on the fear of the Lord; not an attempt to be dictatorial or too permissive with kids.

Richard, good post. In today's society, self-control is very lacking.

For an example, with the onset of drive thru services, we have become impatient when the line takes too long or is too crowded.

Drive thru services allow us to get what we desire fast without needing to wait or work hard for what we need.

Self-control is the opposite of this immediate gratification culture. It is important to teach this quality to our children from a young age by not giving into their cries, demands, etc. readily. As toddlers, they can be taught to wait a short amount of time before they get a snack, treat, or toy. A preschooler can be taught to wait a certain number of days before going to the park or other outing. A young school child can be taught to avoid blurting out whatever they wish to say, but wait their turn in a conversation. A youth can be taught to work to earn the money for something they desire or to fulfill certain requirements for a privilege. A teen can be taught that they must do the necessary discipline to prepare themselves for college or the work force.

But self-control is deeper than all of these things for adults. We are to deny ourselves for the sake of Christ and others. We are to count the cost of following Christ and move forward according to His will, not ours. It does involve looking out for what is best for our spouse or children before we indulge ourselves. And it certainly means to curb our anger and frustration in order to deal with conflict in reasonable and edifying ways. So self-control works against selfishness, self-centeredness, and self-seeking behaviors. It values the waiting for a better good. It forbears with others in order to bring healing and forgiveness into a situation. It leads us to say no to sinful temptations and to instead stand strong in the right path in circumstances that may weaken our resolve to choose godliness instead of worldliness.

It is certainly appropriate to pray for self-control. God will grant it to us